Wednesday, 18 December 2013

Christmas continued

Last week, like every week, saw much wondrousness released on the Clever Dicks youtube channel.

Our thrilling serial drama Forgive Me Father continued, and if you think it was exciting to begin with, it's getting even more exciting now! If you're not watching it, you are a fool.

Then there was the next of our several hilarious festive sketches, and it's called The Truth About Santa, so if that's not a thing you want to know, you'd better not watch it.

But the best bit - by which I mean the best bit of all human culture to date - was the release of Every Which Way in a Manger, the Clever Dicks nativity! We got in lots of wonderful people to help out, and the result is utterly marvellous. I imagine that from now on it will be the thing everyone watches at Christmas, instead of Morecambe and Wise and It's a Wonderful Life and The Muppet Christmas Carol and all those other things that aren't as good as this.

Sunday, 8 December 2013

The Clever Dicks nativity and other Christmassy stuff

Last weekend was very exciting! We gathered together a group of minions for the filming of the wondrous Clever Dicks nativity. This astonishing production went by with absolutely no hitches such as sound men not turning up or bottles falling off people's groins or having to film the last few scenes in one take regardless of quality because we'd run out of time.

In spite of all the hitches that definitely didn't happen, it was a tremendous success, and jolly good fun, so we will hopefully do something very similar before too long. The finished product will be released soon, along with lots of other exciting Christmas sketches we've got coming out over the festive period. In fact, one's already come out - here it is!

If that's got you feeling all Christmassy and full of goodwill to all men, you should probably temper that by watching the latest episode of Forgive Me Father, which is as depressing as ever.

Friday, 29 November 2013

Boris Johnson's undercarriage

Why, you are probably wondering, has it been so long since last we updated you with our thrilling antics? The answer is simple. It's because we hate you. We look at you out there, with your dribbling stupid faces covered with foul blotches and hideous blemishes and we want to throw up. It really can't be overstated how much we despise you. But even you - you wretched flabby scrotal scab hanging, in a metaphorical but also somehow literal way, from Boris Johnson's undercarriage - even you don't deserve to be deprived of the hilarious sketches that have been erupting from our creative bosom.

Forgive Me Father, of course, continues, but I'll just point you at the playlist rather than posting all three new episodes on here - that would be mad. But equally mad would be not watching them, for it's all terribly exciting, and over the next few episodes it will get even more exciting still, so this would be a terrible time to stop watching it, and an even more terrible time to not start.

But wait - there's more! Much more! We've all seen the news about the crazy ideas the Council of Ten have been coming up with over in fourteenth century Venice, so we made this biting piece of satirical commentary to tell them exactly what we think of their madness.

That'll learn 'em. And then - rejoice - it's the return of everyone's favourite supermarket tannoy operators Marge and Brenda!

So, that's what's been going on. I hope you enjoyed it. What's that? You want EVEN MORE? Oh alright then, just a quickie.

Sunday, 10 November 2013

Heaven's Gate ends! And other stuff!

Another week, another quantity of thrilling entertainment spewed out by Clever Dicks Productions, like a hilarious but sickly goat vomiting comedy puke over your head. Sadly, one of the offerings swimming in this week's pool of hilarity vomit was the very absolutely last ever episode of Heaven's Gate.

Yes, it is a tragedy. But we've got lots of other wonderful things up our sleeve which will be taking its place in future weeks. I'll abandon the vomit analogy now - I don't want vomit up my sleeve, that would be horrid.

We also released episode six of Forgive Me Father!

Unlike Heaven's Gate, this series doesn't stop at six. Not even close, it goes on for ages. But there are lots of twists and turns to come, so you won't get bored, honest. Unless you have a very short attention span - in which case, don't worry! There's a special version just for you, which also doubles as a handy recap for everyone else. Here's the first six episodes in under a minute:

And that's not all! We released another video this week too! Four videos in one week? Surely not? Yes, we surely did! The next one is a thrilling reading from Clever Dick Holly's exciting zombie novella read by no less than the very author herself! And if you wonder why she's 'wearing' a hat, well, all I can say is, that's what happens when you grumble about your hair being a mess.

So that's everything that happened last week. Then at the weekend we got together to film some more wonderful sketches to feed our public's insatiable demand for new material, like some demonic colonial overlord, or a Pharaoh who can never seem to have enough pyramids. And now it's Monday and the whole process starts all over again!

Friday, 1 November 2013

Your weekly Clever Dicks roundup

It's been another utterly exciting week for anyone with the sense to follow what's been released by "the Dicks", as I imagine we're fondly referred to in gentlemen's clubs and speakeasies throughout the land. In fact I presume those aforesaid speakeasies are full of gangster types who are all "Say, Knuckles, have you seen what dem Dicks has been and gone and done dis week? See, for starters, see, dey released a new episode of dat Forgive Me Father hinky. It's about dis cat, see, who's telled hisself dat he's helping dis broad by keepin' an eye on her and dat, but really dat bird is just stalkin' the dame."

Then he'd probably pull out a kinetoscope and show them this.

"And you know what else dem Dicks has done? Dey's been and gone and released extracts from dey's books dat you can read on youse kindle and dem don't cost a dime! Now dat sure is a sweet deal! Dere's one dat's about all time travel and moider and dat!

The Trawler Man

And den dere's annuder one dat's all about zombies and moider and dat!

Naked Face Eating Zombies From Romford

And den dere's annuder one dat's all about moider and moider and dat!

Killing Elizabeth"

"How boss, how'd you do dem hyperlinks in speech like dat?"

"Shut youse yapper, Knuckles, I'm tryin' to tell you about what else dem Dicks has done! Dey's gone and been and done and released annuder episode of dat Heaven's Gate dingus! It beats me how dey's so prolific! Dis one's a bit of terrific coz at first look it seems like some wacky toon dat'll make youse laugh till youse sick, but dere's all dese deep philosophical points dat it's makin' only youse don't realise dat when youse watchin' it coz youse too busy laughin' youse head off!"

Then he'd get out the kinetoscope again and show them this.

So that's what I assume has been going on in speakeasies this week.

Thursday, 24 October 2013

Two new videos for you to point your face at

Did you watch Forgive Me Father on Monday? No you didn't, because you were waiting for us to announce it on the blog? You really shouldn't do that, we're not very reliable. Well here it is then:

Are you gripped by the exciting story? I hope so. But it's rather dark, so let's lighten the mood with the brand new episode of Heaven's Gate!

There, you're all up to date now. Next week, try to watch them without me having to tell you. I'm not your mum.

Friday, 18 October 2013

Heaven's Gate - Episode 3!

Thursday has been and gone, as Thursdays tend to do, which means we have another episode of Heaven's Gate for you to watch! We'll get right down to it, shall we?

No other news today, other than the fact that we inexplicably didn't win the 48 Hour Film Challenge, but I don't want to talk about that. If it's OK with you I'll just sit alone in the corner and sulk.

Monday, 14 October 2013

The 48 Hour Challenge!!!!

There were some hilarious japes along the way to making our entry for the Colchester Film Festival 48 Hour challenge wot we took part in and all that.

I spent well over SIX HOURS on the project and almost all of that was actually doing stuff. There was no lunch or crisps or jelly babies or cups of coffee or tea or anything like that and there was certainly no time for watching Rupaul’s Drag Race – that would have a been a ludicrous waste of precious time!

I spent MINUTES, yes! MINUTES! Watching Simon write the script, and the work didn’t stop there! I then had to WAIT while he made the lovely audio into a cartoon.

Also, I would like to add that there is no truth in the allegation that I added any unnecessary singing to the script, the wonderful singing wot I did was utterly fundamental to the script and if I hadn’t demanded that I add it in then the whole thing would have fallen to bits. Utterly and completely.

Well you can judge for yourselves, get your peepers around this then:

AND! As if that's not all! Today is MONDAY! And you know what Monday means don't you!? Yes! Its Rent boy day... although technically the actual title of this is 'Forgive Me Father - Episode Three'.

Friday, 11 October 2013

Heaven's Gate and some NEWS!

First up, we've got a new release for you - it's episode two of Heaven's Gate! Here it is, you lucky, lucky people.
Did you enjoy that? Of course you did, don't know why I asked. And now for some news! This weekend is an exciting weekend for Clever Dicks Productions because we're taking part in the 48 Hour Film Challenge! That was going to be a link but I couldn't find one so you'll just have to imagine what it involves. The clue is very much in the name.

So look out for the result of that, which we'll no doubt be posting on here and banging on about in all the usual places. I assume it will win first prize, which I assume is some kind of life size, solid gold hydraulic elephant automaton, which I'll be able to ride around the town and be the envy of all who see me. I'm looking forward to that.

Tuesday, 8 October 2013

Forgive Me Father - Episode 2

If you haven't spotted it already, episode two of our exciting serial Forgive Me Father has been unleashed upon an unsuspecting public, though frankly we've been banging on about it enough that they've only got themselves to blame for the unsuspecting part. Are you sitting comfortably? Then here it is.

Thursday, 3 October 2013

A multiplicity of new releases!

I suppose it goes without saying that yesterday's very exciting screening of some of our films was a tremendous success. As for the fact that it took place in a bus shelter with a skellington in the middle, and our films were shown right at the end so half the audience had gone home... well those things are probably best left unsaid. Let's just focus on the fact that they seemed to go down well with the pitiful fraction of the audience that remained.

As if that's not enough excitement for you, we have an announcement! Are you ready for the announcement? OK, here it is:

Hello! I'm an announcement. I'm here to announce that Clever Dicks Productions will now be posting a new video to their youtube channel every single Monday and every single Thursday! Starting this week! Which is a lot of videos! So you should follow it and that.

"Starting this week?" you say in a mildly puzzled tone. "But I've been checking this blog every single minute in the hope of new entertainment and I know for a fact that there wasn't anything new on Monday." Yes there was! We just forgot to put it on the blog.

Which mean I've got a whole load of videos to show you now. Go and get a cup of tea or something, this will take a while. Unless you were one of the few people who BOTHERED to stick around to the end of the screening, in which case you've already seen them, so I'll let you off.

First up, the one we released on Monday. This is an EXCITING NEW SERIES and is basically what you're going to get every Monday for ages. Unlike most of our stuff it's a dark drama type thing so don't expect it to be hilarious. There's a trailer, you can watch that first:

If that whet your appetite, then you should watch episode one. If it didn't then you should probably just scroll past it to the funny stuff.

Wasn't that exciting? Tune in next Monday to find out what happens next!

Meanwhile on Thursdays we've started another EXCITING NEW SERIES, but this one you are allowed to expect to be hilarious, because it is. We might as well start with the trailer for that one too I suppose.

And now - and this is the last thing for now, I promise - episode one of that wonderful wonderful series! Have I still got your attention? Don't give up now, it's worth it, I promise.

Did you make it all the way down here? Well done! Now go and do something else, your tea's gone cold.

Wednesday, 2 October 2013


Tonight, yes this very night! There is going to be a special screening of films held in St Botolph’s Waiting Room (this is an actual venue, not a bus shelter, although it used to be a bus shelter, I went there when it was a bus shelter once and I think I had a coffee…) hosted by Film Colchester!

It is just a £1 donation to come to the lovely screening and there will be films made by Clever Dicks!

Not just ANY films neither! Oh no, there is going to be a special PREMIERE!!! Isn’t that truly exciting!?

Here, why not have a preview of some of the music, by the lovely Louise Byrne, for the new series; its called ‘Heaven’s Gate’ and it isn’t about suicide! Isn’t that nice?

There will also be some other stuff by some other people, but you don’t care about that.

Just click here to get more information about the event from facebook and join and stuff, like what people do.

Thursday, 26 September 2013

And now the weather

It's been a while, but the time has come for our latest video release! They're going to be coming thick and fast from now on, so keep checking the blog, or better yet subscribe to the youtube channel and then every video upon release will be presented to you on a cushion at your front door by a beefeater, or something. I'm a bit vague on the details.

Where was I? Oh yes, our new video. Here it is.

Wednesday, 4 September 2013

RELEASE! Customer Service

We can now officially announce the official launch of the official first ever episode of 'Customer Service'!

Tireless supermarket workers Brenda and Marge juggle the provision of helpful customer service announcements with a nice chat about Johnnie's unfortunate death.


Tuesday, 27 August 2013

New Trailer!

Look - it's the trailer for our new thing! Coming soon! Watch it, it's really good!