I Think They’ve Got Him…

I’ve been alone for almost ten minutes now… it’s too long. Far too long to go without contact.

They say it was his abuse that cause them to block him, they say that he is possibly ‘spam’ – I cannot confirm if this is true, if Simon Goodway really is just… spam… but even so, DOES HIS LIFE COUNT FOR NOTHING!?!?!

Facebook have taken him away… his life, his drawings, the photos he took of himself dressed as a woman, they say I can’t speak to him… he hasn’t even been allowed a phone call!! NOT EVEN A STATUS UPDATE!

How can I procrastinate now?

I don’t know what they are doing to him, all I know is that where he once was there is nothing now but a void.

I don’t know if I will be next, I’m waiting for the knock on the door… its all I can do… wait.

But I’m letting you know! YOU! You precious people of the world! If you know the treachery, the violations inherent in the system then you can do something about it!

Rebel! Violate their violations!

Simon has been taken from us, simply for sharing an image from this web-series:

By watching, and even sharing this web-series perhaps you can make sure his sacrifice was not in vain….

Heaven's Gate ends! And other stuff!

Another week, another quantity of thrilling entertainment spewed out by Clever Dicks Productions, like a hilarious but sickly goat vomiting comedy puke over your head. Sadly, one of the offerings swimming in this week's pool of hilarity vomit was the very absolutely last ever episode of Heaven's Gate.

Yes, it is a tragedy. But we've got lots of other wonderful things up our sleeve which will be taking its place in future weeks. I'll abandon the vomit analogy now - I don't want vomit up my sleeve, that would be horrid.

We also released episode six of Forgive Me Father!

Unlike Heaven's Gate, this series doesn't stop at six. Not even close, it goes on for ages. But there are lots of twists and turns to come, so you won't get bored, honest. Unless you have a very short attention span - in which case, don't worry! There's a special version just for you, which also doubles as a handy recap for everyone else. Here's the first six episodes in under a minute:

And that's not all! We released another video this week too! Four videos in one week? Surely not? Yes, we surely did! The next one is a thrilling reading from Clever Dick Holly's exciting zombie novella read by no less than the very author herself! And if you wonder why she's 'wearing' a hat, well, all I can say is, that's what happens when you grumble about your hair being a mess.

So that's everything that happened last week. Then at the weekend we got together to film some more wonderful sketches to feed our public's insatiable demand for new material, like some demonic colonial overlord, or a Pharaoh who can never seem to have enough pyramids. And now it's Monday and the whole process starts all over again!

Your weekly Clever Dicks roundup

It's been another utterly exciting week for anyone with the sense to follow what's been released by "the Dicks", as I imagine we're fondly referred to in gentlemen's clubs and speakeasies throughout the land. In fact I presume those aforesaid speakeasies are full of gangster types who are all "Say, Knuckles, have you seen what dem Dicks has been and gone and done dis week? See, for starters, see, dey released a new episode of dat Forgive Me Father hinky. It's about dis cat, see, who's telled hisself dat he's helping dis broad by keepin' an eye on her and dat, but really dat bird is just stalkin' the dame."

Then he'd probably pull out a kinetoscope and show them this.

"And you know what else dem Dicks has done? Dey's been and gone and released extracts from dey's books dat you can read on youse kindle and dem don't cost a dime! Now dat sure is a sweet deal! Dere's one dat's about all time travel and moider and dat!

The Trawler Man

And den dere's annuder one dat's all about zombies and moider and dat!

Naked Face Eating Zombies From Romford

And den dere's annuder one dat's all about moider and moider and dat!

Killing Elizabeth"

"How boss, how'd you do dem hyperlinks in speech like dat?"

"Shut youse yapper, Knuckles, I'm tryin' to tell you about what else dem Dicks has done! Dey's gone and been and done and released annuder episode of dat Heaven's Gate dingus! It beats me how dey's so prolific! Dis one's a bit of terrific coz at first look it seems like some wacky toon dat'll make youse laugh till youse sick, but dere's all dese deep philosophical points dat it's makin' only youse don't realise dat when youse watchin' it coz youse too busy laughin' youse head off!"

Then he'd get out the kinetoscope again and show them this.

So that's what I assume has been going on in speakeasies this week.

Two new videos for you to point your face at

Did you watch Forgive Me Father on Monday? No you didn't, because you were waiting for us to announce it on the blog? You really shouldn't do that, we're not very reliable. Well here it is then:

Are you gripped by the exciting story? I hope so. But it's rather dark, so let's lighten the mood with the brand new episode of Heaven's Gate!

There, you're all up to date now. Next week, try to watch them without me having to tell you. I'm not your mum.

Heaven's Gate - Episode 3!

Thursday has been and gone, as Thursdays tend to do, which means we have another episode of Heaven's Gate for you to watch! We'll get right down to it, shall we?

No other news today, other than the fact that we inexplicably didn't win the 48 Hour Film Challenge, but I don't want to talk about that. If it's OK with you I'll just sit alone in the corner and sulk.

Heaven's Gate and some NEWS!

First up, we've got a new release for you - it's episode two of Heaven's Gate! Here it is, you lucky, lucky people.

Did you enjoy that? Of course you did, don't know why I asked. And now for some news! This weekend is an exciting weekend for Clever Dicks Productions because we're taking part in the 48 Hour Film Challenge! That was going to be a link but I couldn't find one so you'll just have to imagine what it involves. The clue is very much in the name.

So look out for the result of that, which we'll no doubt be posting on here and banging on about in all the usual places. I assume it will win first prize, which I assume is some kind of life size, solid gold hydraulic elephant automaton, which I'll be able to ride around the town and be the envy of all who see me. I'm looking forward to that.

A SCREENING!

Tonight, yes this very night! There is going to be a special screening of films held in St Botolph’s Waiting Room (this is an actual venue, not a bus shelter, although it used to be a bus shelter, I went there when it was a bus shelter once and I think I had a coffee…) hosted by Film Colchester!

It is just a £1 donation to come to the lovely screening and there will be films made by Clever Dicks!

Not just ANY films neither! Oh no, there is going to be a special PREMIERE!!! Isn’t that truly exciting!?

Here, why not have a preview of some of the music, by the lovely Louise Byrne, for the new series; its called ‘Heaven’s Gate’ and it isn’t about suicide! Isn’t that nice?

There will also be some other stuff by some other people, but you don’t care about that.

Just click here to get more information about the event from facebook and join and stuff, like what people do.