Last week, like every week, saw much wondrousness released on the Clever Dicks youtube channel.
Our thrilling serial drama Forgive Me Father continued, and if you think it was exciting to begin with, it's getting even more exciting now! If you're not watching it, you are a fool.
Then there was the next of our several hilarious festive sketches, and it's called The Truth About Santa, so if that's not a thing you want to know, you'd better not watch it.
But the best bit - by which I mean the best bit of all human culture to date - was the release of Every Which Way in a Manger, the Clever Dicks nativity! We got in lots of wonderful people to help out, and the result is utterly marvellous. I imagine that from now on it will be the thing everyone watches at Christmas, instead of Morecambe and Wise and It's a Wonderful Life and The Muppet Christmas Carol and all those other things that aren't as good as this.
Last weekend was very exciting! We gathered together a group of minions for the filming of the wondrous Clever Dicks nativity. This astonishing production went by with absolutely no hitches such as sound men not turning up or bottles falling off people's groins or having to film the last few scenes in one take regardless of quality because we'd run out of time.
In spite of all the hitches that definitely didn't happen, it was a tremendous success, and jolly good fun, so we will hopefully do something very similar before too long. The finished product will be released soon, along with lots of other exciting Christmas sketches we've got coming out over the festive period. In fact, one's already come out - here it is!
If that's got you feeling all Christmassy and full of goodwill to all men, you should probably temper that by watching the latest episode of Forgive Me Father, which is as depressing as ever.
Why, you are probably wondering, has it been so long since last we updated you with our thrilling antics? The answer is simple. It's because we hate you. We look at you out there, with your dribbling stupid faces covered with foul blotches and hideous blemishes and we want to throw up. It really can't be overstated how much we despise you. But even you - you wretched flabby scrotal scab hanging, in a metaphorical but also somehow literal way, from Boris Johnson's undercarriage - even you don't deserve to be deprived of the hilarious sketches that have been erupting from our creative bosom.
Forgive Me Father, of course, continues, but I'll just point you at the playlist rather than posting all three new episodes on here - that would be mad. But equally mad would be not watching them, for it's all terribly exciting, and over the next few episodes it will get even more exciting still, so this would be a terrible time to stop watching it, and an even more terrible time to not start.
But wait - there's more! Much more! We've all seen the news about the crazy ideas the Council of Ten have been coming up with over in fourteenth century Venice, so we made this biting piece of satirical commentary to tell them exactly what we think of their madness.
That'll learn 'em. And then - rejoice - it's the return of everyone's favourite supermarket tannoy operators Marge and Brenda!
So, that's what's been going on. I hope you enjoyed it. What's that? You want EVEN MORE? Oh alright then, just a quickie.
Another week, another quantity of thrilling entertainment spewed out by Clever Dicks Productions, like a hilarious but sickly goat vomiting comedy puke over your head. Sadly, one of the offerings swimming in this week's pool of hilarity vomit was the very absolutely last ever episode of Heaven's Gate.
Yes, it is a tragedy. But we've got lots of other wonderful things up our sleeve which will be taking its place in future weeks. I'll abandon the vomit analogy now - I don't want vomit up my sleeve, that would be horrid.
We also released episode six of Forgive Me Father!
Unlike Heaven's Gate, this series doesn't stop at six. Not even close, it goes on for ages. But there are lots of twists and turns to come, so you won't get bored, honest. Unless you have a very short attention span - in which case, don't worry! There's a special version just for you, which also doubles as a handy recap for everyone else. Here's the first six episodes in under a minute:
And that's not all! We released another video this week too! Four videos in one week? Surely not? Yes, we surely did! The next one is a thrilling reading from Clever Dick Holly's exciting zombie novella read by no less than the very author herself! And if you wonder why she's 'wearing' a hat, well, all I can say is, that's what happens when you grumble about your hair being a mess.
So that's everything that happened last week. Then at the weekend we got together to film some more wonderful sketches to feed our public's insatiable demand for new material, like some demonic colonial overlord, or a Pharaoh who can never seem to have enough pyramids. And now it's Monday and the whole process starts all over again!
It's been another utterly exciting week for anyone with the sense to follow what's been released by "the Dicks", as I imagine we're fondly referred to in gentlemen's clubs and speakeasies throughout the land. In fact I presume those aforesaid speakeasies are full of gangster types who are all "Say, Knuckles, have you seen what dem Dicks has been and gone and done dis week? See, for starters, see, dey released a new episode of dat Forgive Me Father hinky. It's about dis cat, see, who's telled hisself dat he's helping dis broad by keepin' an eye on her and dat, but really dat bird is just stalkin' the dame."
Then he'd probably pull out a kinetoscope and show them this.
"And you know what else dem Dicks has done? Dey's been and gone and released extracts from dey's books dat you can read on youse kindle and dem don't cost a dime! Now dat sure is a sweet deal! Dere's one dat's about all time travel and moider and dat!
"How boss, how'd you do dem hyperlinks in speech like dat?"
"Shut youse yapper, Knuckles, I'm tryin' to tell you about what else dem Dicks has done! Dey's gone and been and done and released annuder episode of dat Heaven's Gate dingus! It beats me how dey's so prolific! Dis one's a bit of terrific coz at first look it seems like some wacky toon dat'll make youse laugh till youse sick, but dere's all dese deep philosophical points dat it's makin' only youse don't realise dat when youse watchin' it coz youse too busy laughin' youse head off!"
Then he'd get out the kinetoscope again and show them this.
So that's what I assume has been going on in speakeasies this week.
Did you watch Forgive Me Father on Monday? No you didn't, because you were waiting for us to announce it on the blog? You really shouldn't do that, we're not very reliable. Well here it is then:
Are you gripped by the exciting story? I hope so. But it's rather dark, so let's lighten the mood with the brand new episode of Heaven's Gate!
There, you're all up to date now. Next week, try to watch them without me having to tell you. I'm not your mum.
Thursday has been and gone, as Thursdays tend to do, which means we have another episode of Heaven's Gate for you to watch! We'll get right down to it, shall we?
No other news today, other than the fact that we inexplicably didn't win the 48 Hour Film Challenge, but I don't want to talk about that. If it's OK with you I'll just sit alone in the corner and sulk.
